Manguanac Attack.
by girlstarfish
Summary: (yaoi/post-war/innuendo) The Gundam Pilots have survived war, certain death, Relena--but have they met their match?
1. Default Chapter

Manguanac Attack.  
  
The Head of the Winner Corporation, the unofficial leader of the L4 business community, the youngest ever head of a multi-national business and ex-gundam pilot, Quatre Raberba Winner, sighed and swirled his spoon through his cornflakes. This action did not go unnoticed, indeed, considering the wealth and influence of said young man, it would be hard for it to not be remarked upon by someone.  
  
The someone in question was Rashid, the Manguanac leader. However, as it had only been a few days since Quatre had called Rashid into his office for a talk that went something like this:  
  
Quatre: I'm not a baby! I'm 18, for crying out loud! I do not need the Manguanac Corps fussing over me like mother hens!  
  
Rashid: Of course sir. Now, won't you have a bit more soup? It's good for you--  
  
Quatre: Aaargh!  
  
--Rashid thought it prudent not to comment. At least not obviously. He went into the anteroom,  
  
where Abdul was having a surreptitious cigarette and announced in dramatic tones: 'I fear your  
  
conclusions are correct! Master Quatre is not happy!"  
  
Abdul put out his cigarette. "I told you so. Now what do you think we should do about it?"  
  
It is a testament to the commitment of the Manguanac Corps that they never stopped to ponder whether they should do something or not. Master Quatre needed them; their duty was clear.  
  
While Quatre chased soggy cornflakes around his breakfast bowl, his devoted friends discussed possible reasons for his lack of joy.  
  
"At least we can cross out money troubles," Abdul remarked.  
  
Rashid nodded. "Winner profits just keep on going up and up. Perhaps he feels a sense of guilt from the war?"  
  
Abdul considered this. Quatre was so thoroughly nice that he might feel guilty for being totally wonderful and saving the lives of many people and attaining peace, but--"No, I think not. I'm sure if he was depressed over that it would have shown up before now."  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
The two Manguanacs were forced to break off their conversation as a secretary walked past them.  
  
"Perhaps we should continue this conversation elsewhere," Rashid suggested.  
  
Abdul nodded.  
  
So it happened that the two Manguanacs were walking through the crowded market place at the same time as one Duo Maxwell. They met of course and decided to get an ice-cream together.  
  
Rashid licked his vanilla cone thoughtfully as he studied Pilot 02. It was easy to see that he was happy.  
  
"Yeah, me n' Heero are here on Preventer's business. Or at least Heero is-- I'm just tagging along." Duo said, happily occupied with a gumdrop-lemon sorbet-chocolate crunch-raspberry ripple sundae. "In fact I was on my way to visit Quatre, and tell him the good news."  
  
"Good news?" Abdul queried from behind his chocolate fudge supreme.  
  
"Yeah! Heero asked me to move in with him last night!" Duo flashed them a happy grin and a victory sign.  
  
"Heero Yuy?" Rashid and Abdul said in incredulous unison.  
  
"Yeah," Duo's smile faded somewhat. "At least I think that's what he meant. He just kinda grunted."  
  
"That does not sound very promising," Rashid said thoughtfully.  
  
"Yeah, but then he picked me up, threw me inside his hotel room and made mad passionate love to me," Duo said. "Coming from Heero, that's a lot."  
  
Abdul smacked himself in the forehead. "Of course?"  
  
"What is it?" Rashid asked.  
  
"The answer to our problem!" Abdul continued excitedly. "Mad passionate sex!"  
  
Rashid was so excited he hugged his comrade. "You're right! That's it!"  
  
"Don't mind me," Duo said, hastily grabbing his sundae and making a break for the exit. "I'll leave you guys to it--"  
  
The Manguanacs abruptly separated and took a big step away from each other. They sat down again.  
  
After a few moments, Abdul had enough composure to say, "It's clear then. We must find Master Quatre the perfect mate."  
  
Rashid nodded. "That should not be too difficult. Who does not adore Master Quatre?"  
  
"Let's call a meeting of the Manguanac Corps," Abdul decided. "A matter like this calls for our unlimited resources and attention."  
  
Rashid concurred wholeheartedly.  
  
--oOo--  
  
"Thanks for dropping by, Duo. It was nice catching up with you."  
  
"It was great seeing you, Q-man. We don't get to spend as much time together as we used to, nowadays." Duo smiled as he said goodbye to his host.  
  
"Come by anytime," Quatre smiled back. "And goodluck with Heero."  
  
"Thanks man! We'll be seeing you!"  
  
Quatre stood by the doorway, watching as his friend left. Once Duo was out of sight, he sighed again, letting a wistful expression creep over his face. How nice for Duo and Heero to get together--if only he didn't feel so lonely himself--  
  
"Don't be silly," he told himself. "You're head of a multinational corporation, with a lot more important things to do than mope around." He headed inside with new resolve. He also wondered if there was a reason for a member of the Manguanac Corps to be lying in the rose bushes, but decided he was better off not knowing.  
  
--oOo--  
  
"Sir?" Abdul signalled Rashid's attention. "I have an update from operative Petals. He says Pilot 02 has left and as he did so, Master Quatre apparently looked slightly sad."  
  
"There!" Rashid said to the gathered Manguanacs. "You see! Master Quatre desires meaningful companionship!"  
  
The assembled Manguanacs nodded. "What do we do?"  
  
"We find him a mate, that's what!"  
  
"But where does one find a mate of suitable breeding and rank to equal Master Quatre?"  
  
Let's face it, the Manguanacs were somewhat biased.  
  
"Abdul and I have considered this question long and hard," Rashid said. "And we have come to the conclusion: the only partner of suitable standing for our beloved Quatre is --" he paused dramatically as he pulled the cover off a stand holding a picture of Relena--"The Queen of the World."  
  
The Manguanacs nodded. Who else would suffix? The only other young lady of rank with which Quatre was acquainted was Dorothy, and the Manguanacs would never forgive her for stabbing their adored leader.  
  
"How do we get them together?"  
  
This was the hard part. To the detriment of the Manguanac Corps, none of them had yet managed to go on a date, hampered greatly by the fact that all of them were painfully shy around women, and most had crushes on one or the other of Quatre's sisters.  
  
"Perhaps we should throw a party?" Abdul suggested. "We'll invite the other pilots and enough political figures to make the inclusion of Relena not seem suspicious."  
  
This idea was applauded. Rashid was nominated the duty of taking the idea to Master Quatre, while other Manguanacs set about planning the menu, drawing up a guest list, and making the decorations.  
  
--oOo--  
  
At first, the party went well.  
  
Relena arrived as one of the earliest guests. She was dressed in a beautiful gown, adorned with tastefully expensive jewelry, and had her hair up in a complicated knot. She was the epitome of princessly dignity.  
  
Quatre, handsome as ever in a formal Arabian costume, spent quite some time chatting with her, although the politicians would keep butting in to talk to one or the other of them. The Manguanacs were ready to celebrate the success of their mission, when it happened.  
  
The other pilots arrived in a group and Relena turned away from Quatre mid- sentence.  
  
"Oh, Heero!" She said, fanning herself very quickly. "Fancy meeting you here!"  
  
As the Manguanacs elaborated dark thoughts on her slight to Quatre, the blond ex-pilot smiled as he spoke to Wufei. "I see some things haven't changed."  
  
"Unfortunately not," Wufei smirked. "Silly onna is just as obssessed with Yuy as ever."  
  
Maguanac heads reeled with the thought that someone else might be preferred over their wonderful leader--inconceivable!  
  
"And the fact that Duo and Heero are together? That doesn't worry her at all?"  
  
"That's not Yuy's version of events."  
  
"What?" Quatre looked concerned. "You mean--they're not--"  
  
"Duo seems to think they are, Heero doesn't."  
  
"Oh dear," Quatre turned to watch Relena clinging determinedly to one of Heero's arms while Duo hung just as tightly on to the other.  
  
At that moment, Trowa approached. "Wufei, would you mind if I talked to Quatre?"  
  
Wufei smirked and went off to persecute Relena.  
  
"I'm glad you could come," Quatre said, with some nervousness. "I've missed you--"  
  
"I've missed you," Trowa said. "Come on, Quatre, this is stupid. We should be together." He stroked Quatre's cheek, arousing instant hatred from all members of the Manguanac Corps. "You know you want me--"  
  
Quatre sighed. "Things haven't changed. We both want different lifestyles. You want the freedom to travel, I have my office, my responsibilities on L4. All it would cause is more unhappiness."  
  
"And you still believe that if you wait here, the perfect person will happen by?" Trowa's tone was mocking. 80 pairs of Manguanac hands itched to wipe that smirk of his face.  
  
"I have a much better chance of finding who I want to spend the rest of my life with if you're not here," Quatre said. "What if I met the right person but they thought I was with you and never made a move?"  
  
"Quatre, face it--you're never going to find someone who understands the war and what we've been through, than me," Trowa insisted. "You should--"  
  
"Master Quatre!" Rashid said appearing at his elbow. "You're needed urgently!"  
  
"Excuse me," Quatre nodded to Trowa and followed Rashid. "What's the problem?"  
  
"Uh--" Rashid racked his brains urgently. "Duo is eating all the hors d'ouevres!"  
  
"Just tell him to stop."  
  
"He's a gundam pilot!" Rashid said. "Last time we tried to take a tray of food off him--"  
  
"Oh, yes, thanks for reminding me," Quatre said. "I'll get it."  
  
Rashid let out a sigh of relief.  
  
Behind him there was a scream as one of the Manguanacs spilled a tray of drinks over Relena and in the process of cleaning her up, somehow managed to set her dress on fire.  
  
--oOo--  
  
Abdul sat smoking in the driver's seat of Quatre's limo as he waited for the blonde businessman to leave the hospital. Quatre was far too good, the Manguanac reflected. Who else, after being snubbed so rudely, would go to visit the person who had insulted them in hospital the next morning? With flowers, no less?  
  
Quatre climbed into the limo. "Relena's doing well. The doctors say the burns are just superficial."  
  
"That's good news," Abdul said.  
  
Quatre leaned over and took the cigarette out of his mouth and dropped it out the window. "You know the Winner smoking policy."  
  
"Yes sir. Sorry sir." The Manguanac started the engine, and pulled out onto the road.  
  
Quatre was quiet the long ride back to the Winner Corporation.  
  
Abdul decided to be bold. "Master Quatre?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What is troubling you?"  
  
"Oh, nothing much." Quatre sighed. "I was just thinking."  
  
Abdul took a risk. "I hope it is not about Pilot Trowa. He is not worthy of your time."  
  
"What makes you say that?"  
  
"I heard something of your conversation last night. He is not right to try and make your decisions for you. And, you should not settle for anything but the best. You are a good person, Master Quatre, you deserve more than a partner who will go off and leave you alone."  
  
Abdul had the pleasure of seeing Quatre smile. "Thank-you." The smile was, however, only momentary. "He was right about something else though--its going to be hard to find someone I can share my experiences during the war with he won't either detest me for it, or try and make me into some kind of hero."  
  
"But you are a hero!"  
  
"You see?" Quatre sighed. "I want someone who'll treat me like a friend, listen to me, but have no compunctions about telling me when I'm overreacting--"  
  
The car pulled up in front of the Winner mansion. Both Quatre and Abdul were surprised, the ride had gone very quickly.  
  
Quatre said goodbye to Abdul and went inside. Abdul called an urgent meeting of the Manguanacs. 


	2. two.

Manguanac Attack 2.  
  
The second emergency meeting of the Manguanac Corps came to order with only minimal fuss. What Manguanac would dare delay anything relating to Master Quatre's happiness?  
  
Abdul related his conversation with their beloved and unhappily-single leader to the rest of the Manguanacs. "So," he concluded. "What we must do is clear. It is obvious that the perfect partner for Master Quatre must have been involved in the war--they will understand Master Quatre's involvement in it."  
  
Many of the Manguanacs were still trying to get their heads round the fact that Master Quatre did not think he was a hero. How could he not?  
  
"And Trowa?"  
  
Rashid smiled. "I'm sure we can think of some way to keep Pilot 03 out of the way while we find Master Quatre a better mate."  
  
The Manguanacs had adjusted to the fact that their leader was homosexual with surprising ease. The reason was quite simple really. Master Quatre could do no wrong, therefore whatever Master Quatre did was right and the Manguanacs would applaud it.  
  
"We should," Abdul said, "invite as many eligible people who've been involved in the war to stay with us. Then we can observe their behaviour towards Master Quatre and decide which one is more likely to be a good match."  
  
The Manguanacs concurred. They split in to two groups, the group that would dissuade Trowa from pursuing Quatre, and the group that would draw up the list of eligible bachelors. Due to Manguanac prejudices, the list was quite short: Wufei Chang, Milliardo Peacecraft (as long as he doesn't try to blow up the earth which would be upsetting to Master Quatre), Heero Yuy (he may already be in a relationship, but no sacrifice is too great for Master Quatre), Duo Maxwell (ditto, and as long as he leaves some hors d'oeuvres for Master Quatre).  
  
Securing the invitation of the Gundam pilots was easy. Wufei, Heero and Duo were already staying on Quatre's colony. All it took was a couple of surreptitious visits to their hotel rooms.  
  
--oOo--  
  
Quatre was working at the desk when the phone rang. "Winner enterprises, Quatre speaking," he said. "Oh, hello Duo." His face brightened at the voice of his friend. "How are you?" He blinked in surprise. "Oh dear. A water leak? Are they doing something about it?" He grimaced. "No, waiting for them to dismantle all the plumbing in the hotel does not sound fun. Of course, you and Heero can stay with me." Quatre smiled again. "You're welcome. See you later."  
  
Poor Duo, Quatre thought as he hung the phone up. Fancy coming back to find your hotel room underwater. He turned back to his work.  
  
The phone rang again. "Quatre Winner here--oh, Wufei." Quatre blinked. "They were? They did what? Did you go to the hotel management?" He held the phone away from his ears as Wufei replied. "Oh dear. Well, if you want you can stay with me. I've got plenty of guest rooms--no, it's no bother. See you later."  
  
Quatre smiled. He did like catching up with the other pilots. In fact, he was rather glad that Wufei was joining Heero and Duo to come and stay with him, even if it was only because the people in the room next to his were throwing a rather loud party and refusing to alter the volume of their stereo.  
  
He whistled happily as he picked up the folder he was looking at.  
  
The phone rang a third time. "Hello, this is Quatre--really? In Siberia?" Quatre frowned. "What are you doing there?" He shook his head at the response. "Are you sure? That doesn't sound very likely--well, I'll get someone onto organising you a flight home immediately. Bye!"  
  
Quatre put the phone down and looked at it. How very odd, he thought. After a moment he got up and looked outside his door. There was usually a Manguanac hovering by it.  
  
"Abdul!" Quatre said, spotting him.  
  
"Do you need something, Master Quatre?" Abdul asked.  
  
"I just got a very odd phone-call," Quatre said. "From Trowa. Apparently he's been stranded in Siberia."  
  
"Really?" Abdul asked. "How did that happen?"  
  
"He said he wasn't sure," Quatre answered, "but the last thing he remembers before waking up to find himself on a transport shuttle halfway to Russia was being shot by a Manguanac with a tranquilliser gun."  
  
Abdul shook his head sadly. "I hate to say this about one of your friends, Master Quatre, but it is my opinion that Master Trowa overindulged slightly at your party the other night."  
  
"Oh," said Quatre. "Oh. Well that does make more sense--would you mind seeing if you can organise him a flight back?"  
  
"At once, Master Quatre!" Abdul headed down the corridor with a purposeful stride. As soon as he rounded the corner, however, he stopped and dug a cigarette out of his pocket. It would be a long time before a flight was found for Trowa . . .  
  
--oOo--  
  
  
  
Wufei had arrived first.  
  
He'd greeted Master Quatre with due respect, thanked him for his hospitality, and followed as Quatre led him to his room, responding to Quatre's enquiries with polite conversation.  
  
This contrasted favourably with Heero's stony silence, and Duo's casual 'Yo, Q!' when they arrived half an hour late. Furthermore, Wufei was of distinguished birth and respected family. Not to say that the Manguanacs were at all snobby. Perish the thought! But they wanted only the best for Master Quatre and if the best came with a pedigree and a title then so much the better.  
  
By dinner the Manguanacs had a new assignment: the arrangement of a romantic union between the Chinese youth and their adored leader. With that in mind, all the wooden surfaces in the library were polished, fresh flowers put in the priceless Ming vase, the room aired and some atmospheric classical music put on.  
  
Duo, trying to get into the library to get a book was turned away at the door by Rashid who was polishing the doorknobs.  
  
"Can't I just go in and get a book?"  
  
"No one may enter the library."  
  
"But Wufei just went in."  
  
"No he didn't."  
  
"Yes, he did," Duo protested, hands on hips. "I saw him!"  
  
"You must have imagined it," Rashid said. "I was here, polishing the doorknobs and I saw no-one enter."  
  
"Yes you did!" Duo protested. "You opened the door for him!"  
  
Rashid laughed. "What an imagination you have Master Duo."  
  
"I didn't imagine it!" Duo said. "Look inside--you'll see. Wufei is there."  
  
"Halt!" Rashid barked as Duo put his hand on the door handle. "I said no one is to go into the library!"  
  
"But--how am I supposed to get a book!" Duo protested.  
  
"What do you need a book for?" Rashid said. "You can just go have wild sex with your boyfriend."  
  
Duo brightened. "Hey, there's a thought."  
  
Rasid breathed a sigh of relief as Pilot 02 left. There was nothing less conducive to a romance than a third party--which is why the Manguanacs were watching events from the next room.  
  
Rashid straightened up as Master Quatre came down the corridor. "Looking for some before bed reading sir?"  
  
"No, I was actually on my way to return Duo's Abba CD--"  
  
"You must take a look at the shelves. We've been discussing how best to organise them--whether by author or chronologically."  
  
"Surely you can--oh, I don't mind taking a look," Quatre said, stepping inside the library. Rashid smirked and returned to polishing the door handle.  
  
Inside Quatre had spotted Wufei. "Good evening Wufei. Have you found something to suit in our library?"  
  
"You have a very fine collection of pre-Victorian literature," Wufei said. "And I've never seen such a finely bound collection of Elizabethan playwrights."  
  
"They were my mother's. She was something of an English scholar--" Quatre smiled, running a hand over the plays. "I have to say, I do enjoy Shakespeare. He speaks of the futility of war with a trueness that--oh, sorry, Wufei, I must be boring you."  
  
The Chinese youth's eyes gleamed. "Not at all Quatre. I was a student before I was a Gundam pilot, and I have kept up an interest in literature. It has long been my opinion that--"  
  
The following conversation absorbed Quatre and Wufei and went over the heads of the thirty eight Manguanacs not keeping a watch on the corridor lest anyone try to find a book. Rashid planned the guest list for the announcement of the engagement, Abdul lit a celebratory cigarette (and got evil looks from his neighbours).  
  
Everything was going perfectly--  
  
"I'm sure it's Bach."  
  
"It's Beethoven. I've played this piece, Wufei."  
  
"The counter-melody is all wrong. It's Bach."  
  
"Only Beethoven would use those chords together. Listen to that--see?"  
  
"It's Bach!"  
  
Thirty-eight sets of teeth ground together. How dare anyone disagree with Master Quatre!  
  
"Did you hear that?" Quatre said.  
  
"I think the CD has been damaged," Wufei said, frowning at the player.  
  
"That reminds me--" Quatre picked up Duo's CD. "I should return this. Goodnight, Wufei."  
  
"Goodnight, Quatre."  
  
Wufei resumed his seat in his comfortable armchair, unaware that in the next room, Manguanacs were busy plotting against him.  
  
--oOo--  
  
Heero disentangled himself from the sticky seats with a satisfied smirk and headed off to shower. There was a sigh from the bed.  
  
"Gee, Duo, how was your day? Why, Heero, thanks for asking. I didn't think you cared."  
  
Duo was somewhat less than totally, completely, one hundred percent happy. Not that he was unhappy. No, far from it. After all, he was young, in good health, and sharing a bed with his long time crush, Heero Yuy--even if life with said crush was somewhat less than perfect.  
  
I mean, sure, Heero was anti-social to a fault, and had never expressed an interest in anything other than the mission, whatever the current mission was. He was indifferent to the needs of his fellow human beings, taciturn, abrupt and all that--but Duo had always thought that he needed someone to show an interest in him and draw him out of his shell. Now, he was beginning to wonder if perhaps that was all there was to Heero.  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
  
With a sigh Duo rolled off the bed, wrapping himself in the sheet as he did so. In this impromptu toga he answered the door. "Oh, hey Quat."  
  
"Duo," Quatre blushed. "I hope I'm not disturbing anything."  
  
"Nah, if you wanted a show you should have come earlier." Duo laughed as Quatre turned a bewildered shade of red.  
  
"I came to return your CD. Thanks, Duo--"  
  
"No problem, " Duo said, taking the CD. "It's hard to find anyone else who will admit to liking Abba--Anytime, Q."  
  
Quatre didn't return his smile. "Uh--Duo--is there something you want to talk about?"  
  
"Huh?" Duo blinked at him. He had to make a hasty grab as the sheet, ignored, slipped.  
  
"My space-heart tells me that something is troubling you. If you ever want to talk about it--"  
  
Duo stared at him. "Actually Quatre--can you give me a minute to toss on some clothes? I might take you up on that."  
  
"Sure." Quatre leaned back against the wall as he waited. A few minutes later Duo appeared in an outfit that made the sheet respectable by comparison, gathering his hair into a hurried plait.  
  
"Sorry--I forgot most of my clothes are in the dryer," Duo explained.  
  
"Not a problem," Quatre said. "We're at home--who is going to see?"  
  
Who indeed?  
  
--oOo--  
  
Rashid looked at the books scattered across the room with a smirk. "Oh dear!" he said. "What are master Quatre's books doing all across the floor?"  
  
"Mmph!"  
  
"And who put that bookcase there?"  
  
"Um, Rashid?" Auda pointed out. "I believe that was Master Wufei."  
  
"Oh?" The bearded Manguanac said. "Now, why would Master Wufei do something like that?"  
  
"Hmm! Owww--"  
  
"I believe it was when the bookcase fell on him,"  
  
"Mmph!"  
  
The Manguanacs smirked.  
  
"Oh dear," said Abdul. "Master Wufei, are you under that big heavy bookcase?"  
  
"YES! YES I AM UNDER THIS BIG HEAVY BOOKCASE!"  
  
"Oh dear--I'm sure that isn't healthy."  
  
"NO, IT ISN"T HEALTHY!"  
  
"Perhaps we should inform Master Quatre of this."  
  
"I shall go and find him right away," Abdul said, setting off down the corridor at a nonchalant pace.  
  
--oOo--  
  
  
  
"I don't know--Am I expecting too much? Maybe it's too early in the relationship--" Duo sighed. "Then again--this is Heero--this may be all I get--"  
  
"Don't be so pessimistic," Quatre said. "After all, you spent so much time pursuing him--"  
  
"That's the point! I pursued him! I went after him--" Duo sighed. "I can't think of anytime Heero has expressed an interest in me--except of course when he ripped my clothes off and--"  
  
Quatre thumped him on the back quickly. "That sounds like a great start!"  
  
"It was! Man, that was a good night--" Duo sighed happily. "I don't think I've ever screamed so loudly--"  
  
"Well, there you go! The situation isn't a total loss." Quatre said brightly, quickly standing up. "I should go, I have to, um, do something--"  
  
"Thanks, Q-man," Duo said, giving him a platonic yet grateful hug. "You've made me feel a lot better."  
  
Quatre smiled, and hugged Duo back. "Anytime. That's what friends are for."  
  
As luck, or maybe bad luck, would have it, that was the moment that Abdul rounded the corner and got entirely the wrong impression. And in that instant Duo Maxwell's fate was sealed. 


	3. three! (oh the excitement!)

Manguanac Attack 3/?  
  
Quatre was just on his way to his office when a soft sound made him pause. It was very slight, the sort of sound most people wouldn't even hear, or if they did, write off as imagination. But Quatre wasn't a Gundam pilot for nothing.  
  
He tipped the flowers out of a nearby pot and with this makeshift weapon walked with the stealth of a cat in the direction of the sound.  
  
The library door was just slightly ajar. Quatre took a deep breath and flung it open. "Who's there?"  
  
"About time!"  
  
Quatre stared. "Wufei? Oh my--are you under that bookcase?"  
  
"Guess."  
  
"Oh dear," Quatre put down the jug and knelt by the bookcase. "Is there anything I can get you?"  
  
"Try an ambulance, Winner."  
  
"Oh, yes. Right away, Wufei!"  
  
Quatre hurried down the corridor.  
  
"You're in a hurry, Master Quatre," Auda noted as Quatre ran past. "Is anything the matter?"  
  
"A bookcase fell on Wufei," Quatre said. "I'm calling him an ambulance--Do you think you could get some of the others to help you lift it off him?"  
  
"Oops--I mean, of course Master Quatre!"  
  
--oOo--  
  
"Loooooooooove me or leave me, make your choice but believe me--I love you! I doooooooo-I do I do I do I --huh?" Duo blinked as Heero reached over him to push the volume up. He was immediately glomped by an enthusiastic braided pilot. "Heero! You like my music!"  
  
"Baka," the Japanese pilot chided. "I was trying to drown out your singing."  
  
Duo pouted. "That's not a nice way to talk to your boyfriend."  
  
"Hn."  
  
Duo sighed. Heero didn't seem to get social interaction. He decided to give him a hint. "Hey, Heero, I might go take a shower now."  
  
"Hn." Heero continued to type at his laptop.  
  
"You know, get all wet and naked--shower?"  
  
"Sounds like a good idea," Heero said.  
  
"Ya think?" Duo purred, draping himself over Heero. "You wouldn't want to join me?"  
  
"Actually I was thinking I could get some work down with the quiet," Heero said.  
  
Duo slammed the door so hard it disturbed Rashid's monitoring equipment.  
  
"That is not a happy Gundam pilot," the unfortunate Manguanac operating said equipment complained, wincing at the feedback.  
  
Rashid ignored him, radioing ahead to Abdul down the hallway. "Heads up, Abdul! He's coming your way. Initiate project plumbing!"  
  
"Roger," Abdul said, quickly snapping the radio off.  
  
Just in the nick of time. Duo came down the corridor, towel slung around his neck, muttering something about all work and no play--  
  
"Good morning, Master Duo," Abdul said. "Where are you off to?"  
  
"Actually I was hoping I could take a shower," Duo said.  
  
"Unfortunately we seem to be having problems with our plumbing," Abdul said putting a 'Not working' sign on the door.  
  
"Great," Duo sighed. "And I really needed to wash my hair too."  
  
"The shower in Master Quatre's suite is still working," Abdul said. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you used it."  
  
"Really?" Duo brightened. "Hey, thanks Abdul." He headed down the corridor.  
  
Abdul waited till he was out of sight then picked up the radio. "Operation plumbing successful."  
  
"Acknowledged." Rashid pressed a button. "Initiate phase two."  
  
The Manguanacs in Quatre's office trembled. They'd spent the last twenty minutes psyching themselves up for this--yet still they were not looking forward to this. It had helped that Rashid had agreed to their request that the coffee not be too hot. After all, they could not risk hurting their beloved Quatre.  
  
"He's here!" the Manguanac in the corridor hissed. The Manguanacs took their places. Quatre pushed the door to his office open and--  
  
"Oops! Oh, Master Quatre, I am so sorry! A thousand apologies--I have ruined your shirt!"  
  
Quatre looked down at the coffee stain spreading across his shirt. "It's okay," he said. "It was an accident."  
  
"Let us fix that for you."  
  
Before Quatre could say "I'm fine, really," he was picked up and hauled bodily towards his suite.  
  
"There you go!" The Manguanacs bundled him into the bathroom. "Give us your shirt, we will get it cleaned immediately."  
  
"That's really not necessary--oh fine," Quatre surrendered his shirt.  
  
"We will remove all stains Master Quatre! Now just get yourself cleaned up!" The Manguanacs shut the bathroom door. Then quickly, before they could lose their nerve, they locked the door and ran like hell.  
  
Being Manguanacs they ran to the laundry to begin washing Master Quatre's shirt.  
  
--oOo--  
  
Abdul entered the room in which the Manguanacs were monitoring the progress of project plumbing. "How is it going?"  
  
"Very well," Rashid reported happily. "Phase two has been completely satisfactorily, and phase three is about to begin."  
  
There was a sudden screech from the radio equipment, as two startled yells were heard.  
  
"And phase three is off to a good start," Rashid noted.  
  
--oOo--  
  
Duo, peered out from behind the shower curtain. "Sorry about that Quatre," he said. "I wasn't expecting anyone to be in here."  
  
"Neither was I," Quatre said ruefully, picking himself off the floor. "Anyone tell you that you have really good lungs, Duo?" he asked, wincing at his ringing eardrums.  
  
"Heero does, all the time. Except he doesn't put it like that," Duo replied. "I'd offer to help you up but I'm wet--"  
  
Not to mention naked, Quatre thought trying not to blush. "I'm fine. Don't worry about it. I'm sorry I disturbed you."  
  
"Not a problem. I should have asked you before using your bathroom but the others seem to be having problems so Abdul pointed me towards this one." Duo stepped back under the spray. His voice when he spoke again was muffled. "I didn't know you wanted to use it, but I'll hurry and let you have it--"  
  
"Don't rush," Quatre said. "I don't mind waiting. I'll just be outside." He walked over to the door. "What?"  
  
"You should walk around topless more often, Q," Duo said.  
  
Blushing, Quatre went to open the door. And frowned. And tried again.  
  
"Oh dear."  
  
"Something wrong?" Duo asked.  
  
"I think the door's stuck," Quatre said.  
  
"Oh," Duo said. "So we're trapped in here until someone lets us out?"  
  
"That shouldn't take long," Quatre said. "The Manguanacs will notice we're missing very quickly." He sat down with a sigh. "I guess we just have to wait."  
  
"Hope you didn't have a busy day planned, Q," Duo said. "Hey, as long as you're here, you couldn't help me with my hair, could you?"  
  
--oOo--  
  
"And phase three is going well," Rashid smirked as he listened to the radio. "Nothing but splashing and giggling."  
  
"Oh dear," Abdul said.  
  
"Oh dear?" Rashid was affronted. "I thought that was a good sign."  
  
"Not that," Abdul pointed to a screen. "We forgot about Heero."  
  
--oOo--  
  
"Hn."  
  
Another bathroom with an out-of-order sign? Heero was growing impatient. He'd finished his report earlier than expected, although it had to be admitted that the thought of surprising Duo in his shower had led him to rush the final paragraphs. So here he was, looking for the baka--and where was he?  
  
He couldn't imagine Duo being prevented from washing his hair and not coming back to moan about it which meant he must have found a shower somewhere. Heero passed the hall way that went to Quatre's suite and paused. The almost uncanny senses that had sustained him through the war had caught the sound of water.  
  
Heero followed it. He didn't feel any compunction about entering Quatre's bedroom, rapping sharply on the bathroom door. "Who is in there?"  
  
"Heero? Is that you?" Duo replied, not waiting for a response. "Heero, we're locked in, could you go and find someone to let us out?"  
  
"Hn," Heero said. "Who is we?"  
  
"I'm not sure how it happened," Quatre said. "But the lock must have jammed after I came in. Of course I didn't know Duo was in here when I came in--"  
  
Heero didn't hear that last statement. His mind was running along the combination of shower, naked Duo, locked door, Quatre + large amount of time--  
  
"Hn," he said and put his fist through the door. The lock fell off and the door swung open.  
  
Duo and Quatre stared at the lock, and at the hole in the now open door.  
  
"That's my Hee-chan!" Duo chirped happily.  
  
Heero stared. "What exactly are you doing?"  
  
"Like it?" Duo waved a hand. "It was supposed to be bunny ears but they kept falling into each other so I decided to see how much bubbles I could get to stay on Quatre's head at once. I call it 'Afro Ã  la Quat."  
  
"Bubble bath," Quatre explained to the still unenlightened Heero. "Duo found a bottle of it in the cabinet while looking for things to pick the lock with. It reminded me of how my sisters used to play hairdressers with it and Duo decided he wanted to try, and as I had yet to take my shower--"  
  
"Hn," Heero grunted. He was glad to see that although Quatre was in the bath Duo did have a towel wrapped around his waist.  
  
"Stay still Quatre--I wanna see how you'd look with a beard," Duo said, gathering more bubbles from the bath. Heero decided this had gone far enough.  
  
Duo eeped as he was slung over one shoulder. "I guess I'll see you later then, Quatre," he said as Heero carried him out.  
  
Quatre waved and smiling at his friend's antics started washing his hair out.  
  
--oOo--  
  
Rashid watched grimly as Duo was carried down the corridor. How dare Heero Yuy interfere with Master Quatre's happiness? "Abdul? We need some mobile suits."  
  
"Are you aware," his deputy answered slowly, "that this is the Heero Yuy who has self-detonated on several occasions with few ill effects, and who has saved the world numerous times?"  
  
"Your point is what?"  
  
"That we're going to need a lot of mobile suits."  
  
Rashid smiled. "Someone organise a new door handle for Master Quatre's bathroom. The rest of you accompany me to the hangar."  
  
--oOo--  
  
In the end they decided to go for a more subtle approach. Reasoning that even perfect soldiers get hungry occasionally, they set the fridge to fall over at the touch of a special remote. After nearly squashing Duo on several occasions, this plan was abandoned.  
  
Abdul snuck a secret cigarette outside in the stairwell as he ruminated on the failure of their latest plan. Food poisoning had failed. Greasing the corridor outside his room had failed, so had dropping a piano on him. It had taken a lot of time to get the piano to the top of the stairway too. It was beginning to look as though Heero was indestructible--  
  
There was a click as a door shut further down the hallway. Abdul straightened up as Heero came down the hallway, obviously deep in thought.  
  
He greeted Abdul absently as he passed him.  
  
This could be it--"A moment, Master Yuy--" Abdul started after him, stepping forward too strongly, 'accidentally' bumping against Heero--who was jolted forward.  
  
Foot met blank space, arm just missed banister--then Heero righted himself.  
  
"Oh--Sir--I am so sorry!" Abdul said even as inside he cursed. "Are you all right?"  
  
"I'm fine," Heero said curtly. "Be more careful in future."  
  
"I will," Abdul said.  
  
Heero waited. "Well? What was it you wanted?"  
  
Oh, heck. Abdul had not thought that far ahead. "Uh--that is, I--uh"  
  
Suddenly the door beside them swung open, thudding loudly as it connected with Heero.  
  
"Hey Abdul," Duo said cheerfully. "You haven't seen Heero anywhere about have you?"  
  
Abdul stopped gaping. "As a matter of fact, I have," he said gravely. "You just knocked him down the stairs."  
  
Tbc once the essays are taken care of. 


	4. four!

Manguanac Attack 4.  
  
"Man, Heero, I am so unbelievably sorry about this!" Duo said for the fortieth time.  
  
Wufei sniggered.  
  
This gained the attention of the other occupants of the hospital ward. Heero glared at him, Duo looked peeved, Quatre slightly curious, and the "window-cleaner" who had been hovering outside the window for the last fifteen minutes looked interested while trying not to look interested.  
  
"What?" Heero asked nastily.  
  
"I can't get over the fact that he managed to break your leg," Wufei said. For possibly the twenty-eighth time.  
  
"It was an accident." Quatre, to the admiration of the 'window-cleaner,' stepped in to play peace-maker. "Duo didn't mean to."  
  
If anything, that made Heero glare worse. Wufei smirked.  
  
"I guess the perfect soldier isn't so perfect then?"  
  
"I'm better off than you," Heero retorted. "At least I didn't break my own legs."  
  
"I was nowhere near that bookcase, Yuy!"  
  
"Right. Which is why you have how many broken bones again?"  
  
"I can understand you two taking out your dismay at your injuries on each other, but this is getting ridiculous," Quatre said. "You've been bickering for the last half hour."  
  
"Correction. We have been arguing for the last twenty-seven minutes only."  
  
Quatre rolled his eyes. "My mistake."  
  
Duo was fussing, making sure that Heero's pillows were fluffed just right. "Are you comfortable? Anything I can get for you?"  
  
Heero grunted. "I'm a soldier, Duo. Not a child."  
  
"Well, excuse me for trying to help." Listening to Wufei and Heero bicker had not done a lot for Duo's temper. "Here I am, trying to apologise for accidentally bumping you down the freakin' stairs and breaking two bones in your leg--"  
  
Wufei made the mistake of snickering again.  
  
"And just what exactly do you find so amusing, Chang?" Heero growled.  
  
"Can I help it if the fact that you can survive being shot, self- destructing twice, save the earth, and then get yourself injured by Duo, Duo Maxwell, not even trying, amuses me?"  
  
Heero was saved the trouble of replying by Duo.  
  
"And just why is that so surprising?" Duo asked, moving to sit on Wufei's bed.  
  
Wufei couldn't answer. Duo was sitting on his broken leg and he was too busy trying not to pass out from the pain.  
  
Heero was smirking.  
  
Quatre decided it was time to leave. "We'll let you guys rest now," he said, grabbing Duo. "We'll be back tomorrow!"  
  
The 'window-cleaner' watched them leave, before picking up his mop and apparently speaking into it. "They're on their way."  
  
--oOo--  
  
"Is it just me--"  
  
"Wooah! Oops-Sorry Q--"  
  
"--or does there seem to be an awful lot--"  
  
"Yipes! Uh--"  
  
"--of sudden bends in this road?" Quatre finished just as Abdul turned another corner and the American pilot was once more tumbled into his lap.  
  
"There also seems to be a distinct lack of seatbelts," Duo said, picking himself up, only to have the car take another corner and Quatre turn up on top of him.  
  
"It's funny--the last time I took this limo there were seatbelts--I'm sure of it."  
  
"Maybe it's--oh! Sorry--another limo--I mean, how many do you have?"  
  
"There's--oops--a point."  
  
"Talk about cruel fate--" Duo sighed from beneath Quatre.  
  
"Huh?" Quatre said, sitting up.  
  
"Think how much fun this would be if I was being tumbled about in a limo with Heero." Duo sighed as he and Quatre were slid over to the other corner. "I've always wanted to have sex in a limo."  
  
"It's overrated," Quatre said.  
  
Abdul drove into a lamp-post.  
  
"Oh, Master Quatre, a thousand apologies! I'm am so sorry! I have dented your limousine." Abdul prostrated himself before Quatre as the two pilots surveyed the damage.  
  
"It's just a car, Abdul. At least no-one was hurt," Quatre said, trying to reassure him.  
  
"I will never forgive myself, never!"  
  
Duo had used Quatre's cell-phone to call a mechanic. "Tow truck will be here in a minute. You want me to call a cab?"  
  
"We can wait," Quatre started.  
  
Abdul snapped out of his misery. "You two must get home!"  
  
Duo and Quatre blinked at him, startled by his vehemence.  
  
"Why? What's the matter?"  
  
Abdul hastily sought an excuse. He couldn't tell them that the success of the Manguanacs carefully laid plans rested on it--"I would feel terrible if my carelessness were to cost you an evening. Please, go home and enjoy yourselves. I shall take care of the car."  
  
"Well, if you insist," Quatre said, with his trademark smile.  
  
Duo lost no time in hailing a taxi. "By the way, Q," he said as he held the door open for Quatre--a point in his favour, though Abdul--"Did you mean what you said before? About having sex in a limo?"  
  
Quatre laughed. "I'm afraid not. But everyone always tends to assume I'm some sort of angelic figure--I like to shatter those illusions."  
  
"You fooled me," Duo said, climbing into the taxi after him.  
  
Abdul sighed as the taxi pulled away. "I hope Rashid and the others have better luck--"  
  
--oOo--  
  
Rashid frowned as he noted a taxi pull up outside the Winner Estate and Quatre and Duo emerge. What had happened? Where was Abdul? He needed his deputy at a time like this. Still, he couldn't despair! Not when Quatre's love life depended on it!  
  
"Places everyone!" he ordered.  
  
The Manguanacs grabbed various items of cleaning equipment and dispersed.  
  
"Oh, Master Quatre!" Rashid said, as Quatre and Duo entered the house. "We had no idea you would be back so soon!"  
  
"Is there a problem?" Quatre asked as Duo headed off to his room.  
  
"No problem. Only we thought that today would be a good time to clean the entire house and well, we haven't quite finished. I'm afraid that you will find things a bit chaotic."  
  
"Don't worry about it," Quatre said. "I can cope with a bit of noise."  
  
A bit of noise, yes.  
  
A lot of noise--  
  
Quatre sighed and abandoned his office. Efficient household cleaning had obviously not been included in the Manguanacs's training. The soldier vacuuming his office had been there fifteen minutes and showed no signs of being finished. He was glad to enter the relative calm of his room--  
  
Only to find his entire wardrobe covering the floor and the bed, as the Manguanacs argued over whether his suits should be arranged according to colour or cost. In the library they were putting the books in reverse chronological order--in short there seemed to be no where in the house where he could relax in quiet.  
  
He met Duo in the hall. "Have they driven you out of your room too?" he asked.  
  
"Driven, nah. I got tossed out for distracting the work-force," Duo sighed. "All I did was ask if you really used a mop on carpet--"  
  
"We might as well see if there's anyone in the lounge," Quatre said. "If not, I suppose we'll have to go out."  
  
Surprisingly, the lounge was free.  
  
"All right!" Duo said, draping himself over the sofa. "Peace and quiet!"  
  
Quatre looked around the room. "I wonder what happened to the other chairs?"  
  
"Ah, they're probably being washed or something," Duo dismissed them. "Well, Q, got any good videos?"  
  
The video player was the only object, apart from the sofa, left in the room. Quatre opened the video cabinet and paused.  
  
"All of the videos seem to be gone--except this one." He held up Muriel's Wedding.  
  
"A chick-flick?" Duo eyed it dubiously. "Is it any good?"  
  
"I don't know--I wasn't even aware I owned it," Quatre said. "Shall I put it on?"  
  
"It's better than nothing."  
  
Quatre slid the video in and took his place on the sofa by Duo, both unaware that their every movement was closely monitored.  
  
--oOo--  
  
"And dim the lights--now!"  
  
Operation 'Night In' was running with all the precision that the Manguanacs brought to their military manoeuvres. Upstairs in the Command Centre (Rashid's bedroom), the Manguanacs clustered around the monitoring equipment, jostling each other to try and achieve a good view. Ahmad, appointed deputy in place of the still absent Abdul, was orchestrating the love affair with the flair of a composer. "Dim a little more--perfect! Now-- send in the cleaners!"  
  
--oOo--  
  
"My my!" Duo sang, striking a pose and singing along to the movie. "At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender!"  
  
"Oh yeah!" Quatre struck a corresponding pose. "And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way."  
  
"The history book on the shelf--"  
  
"Is always repeating itself!"  
  
They giggled, singing along to the chorus. "Waterloo--I was defeated, you won the war! Waterloo--Promise to love you for ever more! Waterloo-- Couldn't escape if I wanted to! Waterloo--knowing my fate is to be with you- -woo-oo, Waterloo--finally facing my Waterloo!"  
  
"You know Q--this is a great movie," Duo said. "I can't remember when I've had this much fun just watching a movie." He sighed, thinking about the impossibility of getting Heero to watch a video with him.  
  
"Me either," Quatre said, thinking of lonely evenings with only the Manguanacs for company. "I'm glad you're staying here--"  
  
Assorted Manguanacs burst through the door carrying dusters. "Don't mind us," they said. "We won't be a minute."  
  
They shot round the room, dusting surfaces quickly. Rashid put the real operation underway. "Oh my!" he said, pointing at the end of the sofa where Duo sat. "I do believe there is dust under this sofa."  
  
The Manguanacs recognised their cue. Two of them lifted that end of the sofa--incidentally sending Duo sliding down the other end--while another frantically dusted beneath. That done they put the sofa down and exited hurriedly--mission accomplished.  
  
Duo and Quatre hardly noticed--a fact that might have something to do with their discovery that Duo was now sitting in Quatre's lap.  
  
"Uh--" said Quatre. "How did that happen?"  
  
Duo swallowed. "I don't know--" he said. For some reason he didn't particularly feel like moving.  
  
"Oh," said Quatre who had a mysterious urge to blush.  
  
"You know, Q," Duo said, in a voice little more that a whisper. "I--uh--"  
  
"Yes?" Quatre asked, leaning closer to Duo to catch the hesitant words.  
  
Duo said nothing but leaned closer to Quatre.  
  
--oOo--  
  
"This is it!" Rashid crowed. "They're going to kiss!"  
  
The Manguanacs cheered. One of them tapped Ahmad on the shoulder. "Should I open the champagne?"  
  
Ahmad wiped away tears of joy--his direction had been a success! "Not yet-- just a few minutes more."  
  
The Manguanacs leaned over the screen with breaths held.  
  
No one was watching the security screens--so no one noticed the front door open and close.  
  
--oOo--  
  
Duo hesitantly brushed Quatre's fringe aside as he moved in to take his lips. Quatre's hands tightened around Duo's neck--time seemed to freeze as the two boys neared their goal. They were so close now, their breath warmed the other's cheek--  
  
The lounge door slammed open. Duo suddenly found himself on the floor.  
  
"Trowa!?"  
  
Trowa glared at the occupants of the room.  
  
"Nice to see you're back," Quatre said. "I'm a little surprised that no-one told me you'd be getting back tonight--I would have sent someone to meet you at the airport--"  
  
"No-one told you, Quatre, because no-one made any travel arrangements," Trowa growled. "I would still be stranded in Siberia now if one of Howard's operatives hadn't been in the area and given me a lift back."  
  
"What were you doing in Siberia?" Duo asked, getting off the floor.  
  
In answer Trowa sneezed.  
  
Quatre's maternal instincts instantly surfaced. "That doesn't sound too healthy. Duo, go fetch Trowa a blanket. I'm going to boil the jug."  
  
--oOo--  
  
The Manguancas watched in grim silence as Duo and Quatre fussed over Trowa. There would be no make-out sessions tonight.  
  
Ahmad was in tears again, and had to be taken home. Rashid was in a terrible mood.  
  
"This is a disaster! Master Quatre will never find happiness!"  
  
"Don't say that," Abdul said. He'd finally arrived back. "This is only a temporary setback. Trowa Barton will be taken care of--nothing is too much for Master Quatre's happiness."  
  
The remaining Manguancas nodded. Trowa Barton had crossed the line--this was war.  
  
Tbc. 


End file.
